drunktrophywife:

I used to make fun of plankton for being in a relationship with his computer but now look at me

(Source: drunktrophywife)

via heliolisk 11 hours ago link 180,616 notes

seriousjones:

A girl was excited for her sweet 16, and she asked her boyfriend to buy her a car. He said yes. The night of the party, he didn’t come. She was very sad. Then she found out he’d died trying to drive two cars at once to her party. Like this if you love your boyfriend.

seriousjones:

A girl was excited for her sweet 16, and she asked her boyfriend to buy her a car. He said yes. The night of the party, he didn’t come. She was very sad. Then she found out he’d died trying to drive two cars at once to her party. Like this if you love your boyfriend.

via scottthepilgrim 16 hours ago link 2,388 notes

nosdrinker:

danny devito is sexier than tom hiddleston

via rubee 16 hours ago link 3,305 notes

krocatoo:

Having to google internet slang your friend is using because you have no idea what the fuck it means.

image

via wibblywobblytimeywimeygirl 2 days ago link 59,774 notes

troyyy:

i am concerned about the person who wrote this episode

troyyy:

i am concerned about the person who wrote this episode

(Source: crashingwavesroaringthunder)

via forni-kate 2 days ago link 222,752 notes

(Source: suqmydiqtbh)

via pizza 2 days ago link 5,249 notes

pokemonisgreaterthanlife:

Artist

via intothenightandbeyondthemoon 2 days ago link 10,900 notes

(Source: coco-maloco)

via homwrecker 2 days ago link 542 notes

meladoodle:

*prosecuting lawyer voice* i have only one question for the defendant… ‘guiltypersonsayswhat?’
“what?” 
haha owned you’re going to jail

(Source: meladoodle)

via lol-pls 2 days ago link 347,289 notes

"Last year, a girl was raped by two wastes of sperm and eggs while they sang the lyrics to our song "Polly". I have a hard time carrying on knowing there are plankton like that in our audience."

(Source: kurtneybitch)

via kurtcobainhairfetish 2 days ago link 2,630 notes

fromnolawithlove:

Willy the Easter Goat, April 2014

via babygoatsandfriends 2 days ago link 354 notes

  • Always say yes to seeing friends
  • Eat breakfast every day
  • Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
  • Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
  • There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
  • Appreciate the people in your life
  • Look for the good in everything
  • Try new things and try them often
  • Treat yourself as well as you treat others

(Source: undef-eat-able)

via amortizing 2 days ago link 541,182 notes

(Source: wolfheartthrob)

via hyyyyyerrr 2 days ago link 160,103 notes

It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it happens to women all the time, too. We hear “I just want to be friends” and “you’re like one of the guys” and “you’re like a sister to me” just as often. But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fucking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection.

But when we’re not interested in someone, we’re vilified. We’re the bitch that lead them on, the bitch who let them buy us dinner but didn’t want to date them, the bitch who doesn’t appreciate a nice guy, the bitch they were nice to and then got nothing in return from.

And, frankly, fuck those people. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my pussy.

(via jesshambys)

BOOOOM THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS 

(via imgonnachangethew0rld)

(Source: tainted-bliss)

via iamjacksvegansandwich 2 days ago link 235,792 notes

via intersected 3 days ago link 8,855 notes